Reaching out -June 9th 2018

Hello,

It has been several days since I have provided any updates and I wanted to share with you why there will be gaps at time.

If you have experienced the loss of a loved one you understand that there is a hole in your very essence.  This hole is where part of you was ripped away.  While you feel the brokenness and pain, you still must keep moving forward.  You must be able to meet your obligations for work.  You must do this because the bills and expenses just keep coming.  In other words,  normal life goes on whether you feel like you are a participant or just an observer.  You must be there for the others in your life even though at times it is all you can do to function.  They need you.  For me, the noise had to be reduced.  Not exactly anti social but not fully engaged either.

While all of this is going on, people stop coming around.  You talk to them later on and they tell you they just didn’t know what to say.  I understand this.  I have been guilty in the past of having issues that I had to deal with and then time went by and I felt guilt for not being there for someone.  Others, like Alec’s dear friends still hurt themselves.  It is a reminder.  It can be painful.

For me this is further compounded by the fact of having to continually research his death in trying to get justice.  Even though the reopening of the investigation has happened, for me I am back where I was when it happened, reliving the intense pain and emotions.

I recognize I am intense anyway.  We are who we are.  I was never a bunny rabbit and unicorn kind of guy and realize that it is more fun to hang out with people that are light and carefree.  When I get focused, well, I understand.  This blog is an opportunity to share my love for Alec and my family,  what happened because change is required, and to speak about the most horrible experience a parent can go through and what the side affects were for it not being handled correctly.

This is not just me but I can speak more in depth about myself.  This will always be a part of my family and those that truly loved Alec.  I pray that you do not have to walk this road, but from what I have researched it is more common than you would think.

I had to stay away for a while to gain my composure and ensure nothing I say impedes the investigation.   You can only stand close to the fire for so long.

Updates and information will be coming.  Thank you all for your support and understanding.