Rules…

Have you ever been waiting patiently in a long line and someone or a group cuts line?   The root of this problem is very common, but the response gets more complicated.

The root of this problem is the same for the inconsiderate driver that 1/2 mile after the merge left sign tries to merge and then gets mad if someone doesn’t let them in.  They park in the fire lane at Walmart causing such congestion that you can’t even get through.  They think the rules don’t apply to them.

The response:  Ignore, complain to everyone around you, say something and risk a head on confrontation.  Many of these people are bullies and not only do they think the rules don’t apply to them they view you as a problem if you say anything.

This is another dimension of the “go along to get along”.  The single event is just that but the message taken from it is the real problem.  Those that don’t think they have to follow the rules have this belief reinforced because they get away with it.  Those that are upset and don’t do anything feel defeated and those just watching the drama see the example of how they should handle it if it happens to them,  they should just let it go….

This threatening aspect is nothing but bullying.  This same thought process is transferred to those in authority.

Whatever you allow is your standard.

The last four years have been……   I can’t even describe.  They have been filled with pain and disappointment, love and support, doubt and fear, everything between hope from God and despair.

As I put this down the first thing that comes to my mind is Alec should be here, I love him and miss him so much it hurts.  Second is I don’t have to justify my actions or choices to anyone nor does anyone else that is going through loss, be it Alec or another loved one.

Writing is a difficult medium to communicate through because there are so many things that go on simultaneously but a statement is but a snapshot.

Through all of this, you can’t get so consumed that you forget that others are hurting also and that life keeps happening.  The internal battle is that you must go through what you must but not at all cost.  Guilt can come in a wave along with the despair due to the realization that you weren’t there for someone else that needed you.  Thankfully, people that love, forgive.

Something good must come from this.  Something must change in how this was handled.  You see our lives changed completely and forever.  The least that could be done is an honest assessment of how a death scene investigation happens so that the next time, maybe those people won’t go through this part in addition to the loss as we have.  We need the system to work the way we expected it would.  This can only be done through clear standards(rules) that investigators must be held accountable to and a mechanism by which to do this.

We need laws to protect our kids to be enforced.  I know that some will read this and straight way blame us.  That is fine, I am a father and should have protected my kids.  So you can’t add any more blame to the bag that I carry around on my back.  Those of you that want to argue this and take all liability away from the adults that were there, the bootlegger, the police that didn’t even write a ticket after being there numerous times, I will have that debate.  You will have to explain how they have no responsibility otherwise I won’t be derailed or side tracked because you aren’t wanting to have a true conversation that might actually move all of us forward.

Our lives are forever changed.  Nothing will bring Alec back.  I have been asked why am I doing this?   I ask you, how could you not?