11 Years

Watching the sun rise and thinking about the eleven years that have gone by.

Reliving the good, the bad, the mistakes, and the precious moments. Remembering us sending sunrises by text.

This blog came about because an experienced investigator, author, and instructor reviewed the correspondence I received along with the investigation documents. In his opinion, the only option left was revealing exactly how it had been handled. “If” there was enough outrage, or “if” those involved felt guilt, it could move forward. Shame was the option he felt was left after reviewing it.

I have come to feel that this was futile because, from my experience, those involved seem to believe they have the right to do as they determine.

Laws about reporting the death of a minor to the State Police? From where I sit, open to their interpretation.

How to handle questioning at a crime scene? They decide the standard.

See, once that first window closes, physical evidence can change or be lost with time, and you can be left with little more than talk.

What follows is my opinion, based on my own interactions, observations, and the documents and correspondence I have reviewed. When I describe someone’s motives or priorities, I am describing how their conduct came across to me. I cannot know what was in their heads. Readers can review the material shared in this blog and reach their own conclusions. I don’t really think this will change yours.

I must give credit, though, to one investigator I brought my concerns and questions to early on. He actually listened, and I felt heard. He was removed from the investigation early on. I have wondered whether his willingness to listen had anything to do with that, but he was removed from Alec’s investigation.

Another public servant said the right things. He is excellent at defusing a moment. Makes you feel he cares and is working for you. The problem is that, over time, I came away feeling that protecting his own mattered more than addressing my concerns. I respect loyalty up to the point that his primary responsibility is not to those under him, but to us, the public.

Man, he puts on a good presentation, though. And people have total faith. You don’t know how strong a rope is until you have to apply pressure.

One, in my opinion, was totally incompetent in how he handled his responsibilities. That opinion comes from comparing what I understand his crime-scene responsibilities and required paperwork to have been with what I found in the records. Enough said on this one.

His replacement did open a dialogue. I had hope, until time did that thing where I was reminded that he has to live there with all these people and operate within this system. I cannot say that explains his decisions. But that is how it felt from my side. I get that too.

Then there is one I found rude and conceited. In my interactions with him, he came across as though being “the law” put his authority above questioning.

How can someone say this? That is the impression I came away with when I disagreed with him. When I questioned things.

This is the one who called me on the phone to read the autopsy results. The one I understood had the power to move investigators. The one I understood was responsible for ensuring procedures were followed and standards were met.

I bet admitting he was wrong or made a mistake would not come easily. That is my impression of him.

Then there are the supporters in other areas.

From my side, it looks like they work together so well to protect each other. It feels like no one will go against or challenge another because they have to work together every day for the good of the community.

One little issue can’t disrupt that. Greater good and all.

That is how it comes across to me: total faith in what they are told because the person responsible must know what they are doing.

Cogs in a wheel.

We are taught to trust authority, yield to the experts, don’t make waves, we don’t see the big picture. This is all to control, not to move forward. This is exactly why we have the issues we do now.

Improvement and faith in our systems will only come when those same systems and institutions admit their failures and put corrective actions in place to prevent it from happening again.

Why am I writing this, then, if I believe it will change nothing?

1. Alec deserved better.
2. You will not gaslight me. I know what I experienced, and I have not forgotten what the records show—or the questions they leave unanswered.
3. Someone may go through what we did, though I pray they don’t. I will stand with them. And if enough of us stand together, maybe you will finally have to listen.

Alec – you are always on my mind and in my heart